Have you ever wished you were a fly on the wall? Well this morning as I was lying in Kelsey’s bed I heard this chewing noise coming from the wall. I thought at first it was Bentley, our dog, chewing on something. But I looked and he wasn’t in the room. It was a mouse in the wall chewing on who knows what. We get them in the attic when it gets cold out. Never had
them climb into the wall though. Ronnie will set a trap in the attic to catch the little devil.
So why am I telling you this story! Because sometimes I just wish I was a fly on the wall or a mouse in the wall. Safe in the wall. No worries. Just living!!!!
Jesus say’s in Philippians 2:14-16
“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life -- in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.”
We lost Kelsey in 2010. Ronnie and I from the beginning new that there was a reason. We just had to figure it out. And we believed that Jesus would bring light to the question “Why Kelsey?”
It is every parent hope and prayers that their children grow up and become productive citizens. Kelsey was a very caring, loving, and beautiful child. Her heart was bigger than the universe. You see me write about it all the time. But she also was our rebel. She would do typical “teenage” things that we didn’t approve of. I’m not saying she was bad because she wasn’t, but Ronnie and I always worried about her. Worried that she wouldn’t go to college. Worried that she would hang, once again, with the wrong crowd.
A couple nights ago I had a dream. I don’t usually dream and I have only dreamed about Kelsey 3 times since she has passed. But in this dream, Ronnie and I were in the play house. I told him we had to get in touch with Kelsey. We hadn’t talked to her in a long time. I can remember the feeling when I was dreaming, like it had been forever since we had talked to her and I didn’t know why. I just had a feeling that she was doing what we were afraid she would do. Hanging with the wrong crowd.
Anyway, he said look there she is. I turn and open the play house door, and there stands Kelsey. Just like she had never left. Pretty as always. She smiled at me and said “Mom”. Then I woke up realizing that I hadn’t talked to her in almost 7 years. That I probably won’t talk to her for years to come.
The next day I heard that a girl Kel used to hang around with off and on in high school was arrested for drugs. My heart just broke for her and her family. My mind went back to that dream I had the night before. I truly believe that the Lord sent that dream to me to tell me that yes, I took her to save her from this.
People, I’m just a mom that is lost in this world without her daughter. I do the best I can to get out of bed every day and live my life trying so HARD to get everyone to come to the Lord. But I find myself getting tired. Tired of trying to reach out to people. Tired of living without my Kelsey.
I know I have people that love and care for me. People I don’t even know. It’s the ones that used to be close to me that have gone away. It makes me sad and my heart is broken over all of it. I want to “shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life” like the scripture says. This world sucks!!! But I know what is ahead for me. Eternity. Happiness. No Stress. Kelsey. Annie. Mamma. And most of all the Lord.
My prayer to each and every one of you as always is that you ask the Lord to come into your heart. That you have the relationship with him that I have. That we all meet in Heaven one day. I am so excited for you all to meet my baby girl. Kelsey…..